To cope, I mentally prepare, get an extra shot in my already large coffee on the way into work, then its hang-on-for-the-ride mode. We're all pretty aware of the pattern and I've come to expect the madhouse and meet it head on, not dread it. I try not to let it stress me out and instead, I pretend I'm Lucille Ball on I Love Lucy, that time she went to work at the chocolate factory. Only with 911 calls. Instead of chocolates. Good thing. Because 911 calls are better for my waistline.
So with a typical summer Saturday night in mind, can I ask the public for a huge favor? Please. I know murders are going to happen. It is sad and tragic and all that*, but unfortunately it is part of the human condition. But please, please, if you have to kill someone, could you pick a different day to do it on? Homicides tie up most of the police department for hours and hours and hours. Imaging having all the officers tied up for hours on a typical Saturday night. Yup, it sucks.
What happens is that when the other emergency calls come in, we've got no one to respond. People end up waiting hours to report that they were raped, or robbed at gunpoint, or beaten and left for dead in a ditch by people they thought were their friends. Which, in the eyes of the public, is ALWAYS my fault. Because I'm not sending the police. Of course, I can't tell my callers that the officers are tied up on a murder across town. I just have to apologize for the delay and say we're very busy. Of course, if you've been raped or beaten bloody, the last thing you want to hear is that we're too busy to respond to you.
So please, general public, a little cooperation? If you absolutely must murder someone, (or take hostages, plant a bomb in a public building, or commit any other crime that would be a huge draw on our already stretched-too-thin resources...) Tuesdays in January, between the hours of 3 am and 7 am are usually free. We'll be able to send a full response of officers to deal with your crime, which makes us more capable of catching you and dealing with you appropriately. Its a WIN-WIN. Thanks.
*I know I sound like a heartless bitch with no regard for human life here. Its a defense mechanism. 911 operators who become emotionally involved in their calls don't last. They burn out very quickly, like a shooting star. Only instead of flaming out due to the incredible speed of re-entry into the atmosphere, those 911 operators flame out due to the enormous pressure of empathizing with the entire world. Its usually pretty ugly. I have to protect myself. If it makes me sound like a bitch, well...such is the price. But if you want to tell me I sound like a bitch, get in line. I'm busy getting that from my 911 callers.
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